I left my house at 4:25 A.M. I went down 6th and turned left on Clarke. Up ahead I saw a woman aggressively gesticulating. I stopped and rolled down the window.
Paula: Watashi wa byōin ni shutoku suru hitsuyō ga arimasu. Anata wa watashi o tasukeru koto ga dekiru?
I had no idea what Paula was saying but it was pretty clear she needed to get to the hospital. She wasn't obviously injured or ailing but there's only one reason to be hailing down cars at 4:30 in the morning.
I put her walker in the trunk and she hopped in the car. I started driving and trying to pull directions out of her.
Me: Left, right, straight?
Paula: Simple, simple, simple, simple
Me: Simple? Do you mean temple? Are we headed to a clinic?
Paula: Simple, simple, simple
We got downtown and we started jigging and jagging down streets. I was hoping she knew where we were going but she didn't. All I was getting out of Paula was her mantra peppered with what sounded like Japanese phrases for, "turn here" and "Yeah, keep going".
I didn't have my phone on me and my brain wasn't exactly firing on all cylinders. The last thing I wanted to do was start driving around in circles trying to figure out where simple was. Paula was already stressed out - I did not want to make things worse for her. Fortunately, I did have one good idea and a bit of luck. I spotted a taxi and pulled over to chat.
Me: I'm trying to be a good Samaritan here. I picked up a lady who obviously needs to get to a hospital but I can't tell what she's saying.
Paula had walked up the passenger window.
Taxi Man: St. Paul's
Me: (relieved) Aha!
Me: (not knowing exactly where St. Paul's was) Can you take her there?
Taxi Man: Of course
I gave Paula a hug and she thanked me. The Taxi Man took Paula the last 4 blocks to St. Paul's. The whole event was probably 10 minutes start to finish.
It started out as a pretty good day. I had the best excuse ever for being late to work. But then one bad move with Renewable Energy World and BLAMO. Sigh... I really don't know what to do with myself without being able to comment on the REW site. Here's something interesting though, the REW jokers totally banished all my comments. Not just the ones I posted under Anonymous but also the ones I posted under a screenname of Going4DistanceGoing4Speed. That's some serious 1984 Ministry of Truth type shit right there. Thanks to Google's cached pages it's not so easy to wipe the record clean.
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This story indicates two other guys who've been banned.
Yeah so... When I wrote this post the banished versions were different than the standing versions. Turns out Google cache is highly perishable content. I guess I should have made back up copies but that would have been lame. At the end of the day who cares?
Maybe Nikolai Jezhov called Stalin a dick too?